matt24
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Jack Bauer FactsHere is some facts i found on the internet which I found amusing 
If Jack was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice, then kill both dictators with his bare hands.
Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.
Every guy that dates Jack's daughter loses a limb. Coincidence? I think not.
If Jack Bauer was on Oceanic Flight 815, he'd have been off the Island with 23 hours & 59 minutes to spare.
Jack Bauer's cell phone ring is not set to 'vibrate' on purpose. Letting the terrorists know where he is hiding is all part of his bigger plan.
Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
Jack Bauer definitely loves his daughter; he wouldn't let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live.
Jack Bauer broke into the Russian Consulate and got captured because he thought it would be fun to compare Russian prisons with Chinese prisons.
If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.
There is a deeper reason that Kim will not forgive Jack. For years during her birthday and Christmas when Kim would look for presents Jack would just laugh to himself before finally telling her, "I give you my word."
Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.
Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
The only reason Jack gave Nina mouth to mouth in Season 2 was because he had to kill her himself.
Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population.
Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
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Terri
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Re: Jack Bauer Facts | matt24 wrote: |
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
Every guy that dates Jack's daughter loses a limb. Coincidence? I think not.
Jack Bauer broke into the Russian Consulate and got captured because he thought it would be fun to compare Russian prisons with Chinese prisons.
If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.
Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.
Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first. |
lol these are my faves.
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whycantkimdie?
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Lol those are amzing I've seen them as well.
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Burble
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funny stuff!!  thnx!
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Josephine Marcus
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These are my favourites! (Sorry if I repeated any)
When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the bomb was.
When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.
Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.
Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 1000 feet and a gun.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
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whycantkimdie?
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lol those are great too did you get them from the same place?
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Josephine Marcus
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They come from all over. It's a collaborative (I think that's the word) thing.
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whycantkimdie?
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yeah it is well done.
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Josephine Marcus
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Thank you! I still laugh just reading my own.
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whycantkimdie?
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thats a bit strange...
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Josephine Marcus
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Why? They're awesome! Just read them again and tell me they're not still funny!
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whycantkimdie?
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Yeah but they didnt make me laugh again, though
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Josephine Marcus
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Well then you're just weird 
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whycantkimdie?
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lol I've never claimed otherwise.
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slade
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| Josephine Marcus wrote: |
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the bomb was.
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I watched the scene where he said "The only reason you're conscious is because i don't want to carry you". last night
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DSi
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I've read most of these already, and I always laugh reading them again
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Burble
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| Josephine Marcus wrote: | There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers. |
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artur2060
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My favorite:
"Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer"
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Josephine Marcus
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Hehe, that's a good one!
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Sandervs
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| artur2060 wrote: | My favorite:
"Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer" |
I thought they we're using condoms.
Teri said something like that, when she was pregnant
at the end of season 1
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artur2060
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Yes, but that was about her second pregnancy.
I meant when Kim was conceived. Besides, it's a joke. Who knows what Jack and Terri were doing back in the 80s...
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Josephine Marcus
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Hehe, bunch of hippies... Actually, in the novel I'm reading (Vanishing Point), Jack has just slept with his stripper girlfriend during his undercover (no pun intended) mission, and he was laying in be beside her and feeling really guilty, and thinking about the when him and Teri were first dating.
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Sandervs
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| artur2060 wrote: | Yes, but that was about her second pregnancy.
I meant when Kim was conceived. Besides, it's a joke. Who knows what Jack and Terri were doing back in the 80s... |
I understand that and no we don't know what they where doing in the 80's.
Of course we don't know, Jack and his family we're born in 2001
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artur2060
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No they weren't!
There are novels which describe tails from before
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Sandervs
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I know but they we're written after the airing of the first episode.
I mean more like this. Nobody had never heard of them before that first episode.
Sorry, if I'm vague
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artur2060
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I know what you mean but there is a history of the Bauers before day 1. It can come in any form but it's there
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Sandervs
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Allright, I agree. Just talk about some other Jack Bauer facts.
Do you have some
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artur2060
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If you have a headache, that means Jack Bauer is thinking of you
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Burble
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| artur2060 wrote: | | If you have a headache, that means Jack Bauer is thinking of you |
oh, he thinks of me every week! what's that supposed to mean...?lol
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artur2060
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I don't want to sound internet illeterate but could someone please explain to me what LOL means? Please, it's killing me
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Sandervs
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In our language means "lol" something like fun
| Burble wrote: | | artur2060 wrote: | | If you have a headache, that means Jack Bauer is thinking of you |
oh, he thinks of me every week! what's that supposed to mean...?lol |
That you've got headache every week.
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Josephine Marcus
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LOL = Laugh out loud
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artur2060
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Finally.... Thank you.... LOL
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Sandervs
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The hole day at school and this is the first thing I learned today. lol
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Burble
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If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.
Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer signs his autograph with bullets. So don't ask him to sign any part of your body.
Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.
The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.
If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately and run.
Mission Impossible is just another way of saying Mission Without Jack Bauer.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
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Josephine Marcus
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"When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun."
I like that one!
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Sandervs
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That one is nice. lolal
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